You know when you have those moments when you realize just how much time has passed since, I don’t know, some event, perhaps, and it makes you feel old? Well, in grad school, we (well, I really should say *most of us* and *should* here) have these moments when we realize just how long we’ve been in grad school, and that we should probably try to finish up. It goes something like this:
I remember when I was a first-year, and figured I’d be tying up loose ends by the time I was a fourth-year, so that I could graduate in 5 years like a normal graduate student….Oh shit! That was four years ago! I should probably get on that whole “meaningful-research-dissertation-writing-defense-thingy”.
(PhD comics is pretty much spot on to the whole experience!)
I started this damn blogging thing at the end of my second year. I am a fourth-year now, and a senior graduate student in my lab. It’s weird having post-doctoral fellows come to me for advice about their experiments. Though we all have legitimate work to get done – at all stages of gradschool, I mean – my work is starting to feel a little more, well, legitimately frightening. In my second year, I had to give a divisional seminar, where I talked about my research project for 30 minutes in front of my division. I did fine, but I didn’t enjoy it. I had to have a good presentation, but it was, well, not really a great big deal. Every second-year student gives one of these talks, no matter how far they’ve progressed in their research. Now, I’m looking down the road at tfinishing a manuscript ASAP because I already have half of the data for my third paper and want to start writing that, a conference in January to prepare for, my fourth-year seminar to plan and give sometime in February, another trip to Brookhaven National Laboratory in late February/March, a second conference in April – which reminds me that I need to submit my abstract by November second, and then more Brookhaven National Laboratory work come end of summer-ish. Somewhere in there I need to fit in two weddings, the lab’s annual group trip to somewhere, and hopefully a week or two off for some fammy-time and r&r on Cape Cod because I haven’t been there with my fam in longass time, but of course that depends on whether I’ve gotten enough work done to take time off.
This was my “moment.” I realized it’s going to be quite hard to fit in the whole dissertation writing thing as it is. I also have given myself the goal of graduating before Thanksgiving 2010 (as opposed to shortly thereafter, which is my projected finishing-up time frame as it stands now) so that I can go have Thanksgiving with my fammy and not be insane. It doesn’t leave much time for futzing around on the intrawebz.
Folks, I’ve decided I’d rather graduate than blog, and because I have lousy writing skills and much writing to do, and also because I know my tendencies pretty well, this means, well, kinda choosing. My scant posting in recent months was due to doing a lot of work and not idling at my desk trying to come up with ways to occupy myself. I no longer have to try to come up with things to do; my plate overfloweth. I have more to do than I can handle alone, and my boss has seen fit to split my project into two offshoots (a good thing, meaning that I’ve established a solid enough, interesting-enough base that it can have branches) and give me a first-year minion to train. Which reminds me, I forgot to put that on my list.
So what comes next, after this gradschool thing, after this next year, you may wonder? Frankly I don’t know. I’ll be staying Austin until July 2011, because that’s when my lease runs out. But I’m expecting a high degree of chaos then as well, with the whole trying to find jobs for two PhD’s (Dr. Boyfriend and I) in one location, moving, settling in, you know, life.
I’ll try to keep up with range reports, and what have you. But blogging is getting bumped lower and lower on my priority list these day. The thing is, I’m almost too busy to miss it. I’m a much better scientist than a blogger. I don’t have a whole lot of original ideas that are blogworthy (or that I’m willing to share with the intrawebz. Like my plans to take over the world, for example. I don’t go public with that shit. Wait…f***!
). I’ve never claimed to. One of the reasons I started this blog was so that I could share the whole secret life aspect of science, ya know, because, we’re not just a bunch of white coats. I think I have a pretty interesting “secret life,” if you will. I’ve played symphonies, danced the Nutracker, had a career as a professional figure skater, shot in a pistol competition, worked as a zamboni driver, and learned some legit circus tricks. Thing is, right now, and for the next year, I’m gonna be mainly a white-coat donning lab monkey. My “free” time is mostly spent hanging out at home or otherwise enjoying the computer-free company of my dog and Dr. Boyfriend, and occassionally some other characters, you know, because it’s important to maintain at least some minimum degree of social behaviour.
So, thanks to all my readers, friends and frenemies, for making this really fun while it lasted. Wish me luck in the real world. I’ll try to update you with my status from time to time. Gun stuff, dog stuff, some other stuff perhaps, interesting science stuff maybe – I’ll probably do a blog cleanout soon, so if you want to take incriminating info about her evilness, moi, do it now
I’d really like to post my next publications because I think it will be totally bitchin’, and that means essentially coming out of anonymity. I wish I could do both blogging and science to a likeable degree, but you’ll just have to believe me on this one: I can’t. Most of it has to do with my being a very, very slow writer. I’ve gotten somewhat better at writing, though not proofreading, and to put forth the kind of posting I’d really like to be able to do, it would mean devoting alot more time to it, a lot more research. And with the amount of time I need for researching and writing the stuff in my job description…well, I’m being redundant. You get the picture. Leave requests for posts (e.g. more showgirl chronicles…I know I haven’t been good about continuing that little series).
I’m not going galt, and I’m not going off the grid. I’m just, well, almost 30 and I need to finish my PhD. You can blame my boss for making me do real work and requiring that I go to conferences and national labs, train first-years, and publish research findings. Kidding. I actually want to do all these things, and I’m stoked that I get the chance to do them. I have to honor that!
Buh bye intrawebz (sort of), I’ll miss you! Check out my blogroll!
Xox
SB

(That’s me on the left. Better living through chemistry! By the way, I like to pronounce the “Ch” as one would in “cheetos”. Or with a good ol’ hebrew “ch,” like “chanuka” or “challa”. Resisting maturity since 1981…)